It’s 4:30 in the morning and for the past hour I have been rolling in bed… why?
Because yesterday I ate 3 slices of pizza, yes it was vegan.
I feel pain in my belly, and I know why. I feel so guilty and I am upset at myself!
Why do I find myself in these patterns still, when I know all about the nature of those foods, and I have experienced their effects on my own body so many times??
It’s not all about‘knowledge’, it’s something about habits, about environment design and conscious eating.
You see, that pizza was bought 2 days ago and it was for other members of my family. I knew that I didn’t want to have it… but already when we bought it, an old memory attached with eating pizza came to me.
This emotional memory of togetherness and happy times, something that perhaps I am missing somehow, came over to me.
I did well to resist and not eat it. Now after 2 days, why did I feel inclined to eat it?
I wasn’t hungry or anything.
My thought pattern at the moment of the action was: oh there is so much pizza left, that will end up in the garbage… oh what a pity… If I only eat one slice at least less will be thrown out…
What do you think about this thought pattern? Wow!!! Seeing it written down makes me want to scream: EXCUSES!!!
This is such a weak excuse, in my opinion. And a way to run away from my own responsability for decision making.
Come on, I could have eaten the pizza while it was fresh, hot and enjoyed the togetherness and happy times, I so craved. And instead I was now eating this old pizza which by the way didn’t taste any good...
That to say that, this behaviour of mine taught me that my need for togetherness and happy times was not satisfied, and even after eating the pizza I still lacked togetherness. Because if I need togetherness I should get together with loved ones, and not necessarily eat pizza.
I need to create new memories, where togetherness and happy times with people I love is surrounded by foods that love me back.
Because the truth of the matter is my dear ones, if the food does not love us back, we will forever suffer.
Another thing has to do with environment design, the fact that I had such food around me, close access in a ‘needy day’ made my decision more difficult to make. Could I have designed my environment better next time in order to make better choices a bit easier?
When I eventually decide to eat, I don’t remember stopping and really acknowledging my food. What if I looked at it and asked myself is this a food that I love? Does it nourish my body and loves me, my body back? This would be conscious eating.
So, just before I grabbed my phone to start writing this post, this is what I did:
I touched my belly with my hand and closed my eyes and apologized it. I apologized my whole body for not showing love for my poor choice. I also asked my body to be patient with me as I am in a journey and I want to make better choices that show true self-love.
Then, applied some organic peppermint essential oil to my belly, that smells beautifully fresh and gave it a nice massage. It felt much better.
I don’t want to linger on guilt, I have done that for so many years of my life and that just fostered more poor decisions, it doesn’t always help. Unless we used it as a learning step.
And I have learned today that I need to get together with people I love more often as my whole being is craving for it, and make new memories around raw fresh and healthy foods that I believe with my whole being that love me all the way to the moon.
I hope you enjoyed this article and please feel free to share how it has been for you in your weight loss and healthy living journey.
Do you relate to this experience? Do you know someone that would benefit from this article?
Comment below and make sure to share with others.
See you in my next post.
With love,
Telma