Why do we feel unsafe when it comes to being our authentic selves?
For example, how would you answer these questions:
Are we able to be ourselves if we conform to society standards? or ‘Should we not conform when being ourselves might be compromised?
What if in some situations we might want to conform because we want to be part of the group? Is conforming only to the point that we don’t lose ourselves, a better solution?
During our podcast episode 2: Who am I ?- The pursuit of the authentic self through connection Yvonne explains that it’s a balancing act throughout our life, as she makes reference to Gabor Maté, MD’s work, about the struggle from infancy of needing the relationship with our caretakers while being true to ourselves.
‘When kids turn two or three they have this period where they say no to everything and just like they're trying to find that balance between ‘I do need this relationship with my caretaker’, (that has to do also with meeting my needs being filled) but also, I need to be in this relationship as myself.
...being in that relationship with the caretaker and being our own person, true to ourselves.
And that's a very difficult thing because our parents are not blank sheets of paper. They come and they bring their stuff into the relationship, as we bring our stuff into any of our relationships as well.
Sometimes we're not aware of that until we reach a certain age or something happens in our life, or maybe we hit a wall. Until we start to think about these questions: What is ‘me’ and what am I doing in my relationship that is not true to myself? But I do it to protect ‘this relationship’ because I'm afraid that if I don't do that, I will lose ‘the relationship’. And my needs will not be met.
Because we want to be loved and if being ourselves somehow will make other people love us less. Then perhaps, we would rather be loved than be our authentic selves.
We want to feel safe, we need to feel safe, but we also need and want to be authentic. Is there a middle term to be authentic yet safe? Can we ever get there or are we always going to feel slightly unsafe if authenticity is to happen?
Did this post stirred in you the curiosity and wish for more authentic connection? This conversation will be continued, meanwhile share your thoughts about some of the above questions
This blog post is part of my 'New Authentic Project' - to find authentic connections, listen to my newest podcast Raw Detox Coach Podcast meanwhile see you in the next post.